A gentle answer

https://odb.org/2025/12/02/positive-graffiti

Proverbs 15:1–4 (NIV): A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 2 The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. 3 The eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good. 4 The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

As a young man, journalist Sebastian Junger traveled the United States and wrote about it. One day in the 1980s, he entered a restroom in the Florida Keys and found hateful graffiti scrawled on the walls. Most of it targeted Cuban immigrants. But one message, apparently from a Cuban, stood out. It read, “Thank God the rest of the people in this country are warm and caring and welcomed me in ’62.” Junger observed, “The very worst things about America were on that men’s-room wall, and the very best.” (Tim Gustafson, Our Daily Bread 2 December 2025)

As a believer, the words that come from us whether verbally or in writing, in person or from the pulpit, should be comforting and encouraging. As Proverbs advises in 15:1 – a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. I guess there are times when we are unable to avoid harsh words, maybe because we were overcome by emotions or anger. But as part of our Christian character development, we should always aim to be calm and steady even when provoked, Jesus being the perfect example of calmness.

The strange and ironical thing is that our harsher words are usually directed to those closest to us like our spouse, children and siblings. That’s tragic because they are the ones we love the most and more importantly, who love us the most. It’s a pattern we need to break if that’s the norm. Exercise restraint whether at home or outside. Be patient. Usually the difficult moment will pass and things will settle down. Refrain from the temptation to inflict harm as harsh words can cause long-term ramifications and people seldom forget such words. Even words uttered in jest but are insensitive will be remembered for a long time with lasting damage. Proverbs 15:4 – The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit. Surely as fellow believers, we do not want to crush the spirit of a another believer, especially a young one.

Allow the Lord to work in our lives to soften our hearts to listen and obey His voice and ask Him to help us exercise restraint and patience in our choice of words even when we ourselves are confronted by harsh words.