Authentic and vulnerable

https://odb.org/MY/2023/08/03/vulnerability

I think when it comes to cell group or house fellowship members opening up during meetings, the solution or answer is to lead in opening up as leaders. My wife and I led the young adults group in our local church. We have always set the tone by being open and frank when we share about our struggles and issues we face at our workplace or in raising our children or even the fights and quarrels we had. We knew that if we were superficial, then everyone else would likewise be superficial.

Of course, when we first started, we mainly had our age difference of more than 20 years compared to the others in the group who were mostly fresh out of university and who had just started working. We were both much more senior, both in terms of seniority at the workplace as well as work experience. So we could share how to live a balanced life at work, working hard and yet honouring God. How to stay above office politics and sometimes refraining from getting emotional or vengeful or even envious when dealing with others in the office. Most of our bible study materials were on effective Christian living. Thus, it was easy to talk about things like upholding our faith and Christian values at the workplace. About how we could make a stand but also at the right timing and forum. About how we could blend in, but at the same time be the salt and the light without standing out like a sore thumb. Issues like working late, corruption, and work/life balance.

But as time passed, we also grew older like our cell group members. Now, one by one, they are getting engaged or married. So, for the past few years, we have started to share more of our own family lives. Like what’s it like or means being married. The financial issues we faced when we first started out buying a house, for example, and what we had to do to pay off our first house like forgoing holidays in the initial years of our marriage. When the boys came, our lives were turned upside down. How we cope and dealt with child care and how as our boys grew up, we had to deal with their adolescent years and issues of schools and later universities.

The key to any cell group being authentic and vulnerable is, I believe, for the leaders to make the first move. If we as leaders are genuine and share from deep within us, we will find that everyone else will start to open up, and the Holy Spirit will move in a special way among us, strengthening the weak and comforting the broken hearted. People must see the real you – they will then shed their own masks and reveal their true selves. Sometimes, in sharing our life stories, we tear up. I guess it’s OK when we want to be authentic and vulnerable.